"let's break everything differently" au

[resnipstance]

[ They all stand in the Council room after the trial, the evening sunset light of Coruscant pouring in to the tall chamber. Anakin and Plo-Koon give their apologies, and for just one single moment, Ahsoka thinks that maybe everything will be okay again. Not like it was-- it can never go back to the way it was. The knowledge that some of the people Ahsoka called family were willing to cast her aside without due process will stay with her forever. Such things can never be forgotten. But perhaps there is something there to be salvaged.

But then Master Windu and Master Yoda make their excuses, and Ahsoka feels her stomach drop out of the room entirely. It will always be like this, she realises. The Order is ... not what she thought it was. Suddenly, she knows it as clear as day: if she stays here, her soul will slowly rot from the inside. Like Barriss.

"They're asking you back, Ahsoka," Anakin's voice cuts through her thoughts, as he extends his hand to her holding her padawan braid. "I'm... asking you back."

She looks up at him then, certain that she knows what she has to do, but unwilling to say it. She reaches out to take Anakin's hand in her own, hoping to soften the blow of what she's about to say. But the second she touches it, something else happens.

Death. Terror. Destruction. The whole galaxy, crying out in pain in a single instance, and then just as suddenly-- nothing. The Force, drenched in silence and darkness. Obi-Wan, looking old and alone in the desert, full of sorrow. Glimpses of war-- more war. Never ending war. Anakin's voice from somewhere far off, full of rage, screaming "I hate you!"

None of it makes any sense.

And thne just as abruptly, a different vision. No-- she's seen this one before, but she'd forgotten about it. Herself, standing over a campfire. "Beware!" she warns. "You may never see your future if you remain his student!"

Ahsoka abruptly lets go of Anakin's hand in the Council room and the visions stop. She takes a step back in alarm. ]

I-- I'm sorry, Masters--

[ She speaks to the whole room, heart pounding with adrenaline, eyes on the floor but darting from side to side while she tries to catch her breath. She closes her eyes for a second and breathes in slowly and then out again, calming herself. Finding her center, she opens her eyes again and straightens. ]

It's... been a long day. Your offer is very generous, but I'm not sure I'm in the right state of mind to be making big decisions about my future right now. With your permission, I'd like to request a couple of days to meditate on it.

[ The room is filled with stunned silence, before Master Yoda taps his gimmer stick on the floor decisively and nods. "Certain, you must be. Wise to take your time in such matters, it is."

Ahsoka swallows hard and makes a hasty bow. "Thank you," passes from her lips, before she turns tail and exits from the Council chamber with as much speed as she can muster, not waiting for a dismissal. ]

Comments

[resnipstance]

[ Ahsoka makes a frustrated noise in her throat. ]

No, that's not-- you're still not listening to me!

[sandhate]

[ he makes gestures with his hand as he recites what he's heard from her. because yes, he has been listening!! ]

You had a vision. The Jedi all die. It leaves you completely alone. You don't think it's connected with anything with Barriss? The trial! Why is what I'm saying so far-fetch!

[resnipstance]

You're just interpreting what I'm saying the way you want to! I saw a potential future! Why won't you take me seriously?!

[sandhate]

Because I want you to stay, Ahsoka!

[ the yelling makes him think of their younger days. the familiarity in that is comforting enough for him fall into old routines. to take a breath between their bickering ]

I am listening, Ahsoka. You're scared of the future. [ a beat ] I am, too.

[resnipstance]

[ She seems to relent a little, but not nearly enough. ]

Then why can't there be a future where I stay and you help me get to the bottom of this, instead of brushing me off by pretending like what I saw was just a manifestation of my fears!

[sandhate]

[ didn't he wish obi-wan had let him go to his mother? and if he did, wouldn't his mother be alive today. she was his whole world, he knows what it's like the lose that and he wouldn't wish it on another.

he's quiet for a moment.

he can't bear to look at her when he speaks again. ]

If what you feel is right, what you believe the Force is tell you to do is to go. Then go.

1/2

[resnipstance]

[ After a beat, Ahsoka shakes her head once more, but it's softer this time. More fond. No longer angry. The corners of her mouth tick upwards in an almost-smile. ]

... Still zero points for listening comprehension, Skyguy.

[resnipstance]

[ Her face turns more serious, then. ]

I think... leaving is the "right" choice, for me, personally. I think it's what I'm supposed to do.

But if that path is going to end in a-- a future where everyone I know is gone, then I don't want to take it.

[ She thinks about the other vision. ]

I'm just... not sure that my staying is enough of a factor to change it.

[sandhate]

[ the nickname forces a wry smile out of him. but it leaves him and makes him feel more empty. ]

It may, or may not. You had a vision, but as Master Yoda says, the future is always in motion.

[resnipstance]

[ That's never really been reassuring when Master Yoda says it, and Anakin saying it doesn't really change that. Ahsoka just nods, but she pulls her knees closer to her chest, hugging herself. Staring out into the distance. ]

... Right.

[ She doesn't sound entirely convinced, but she doesn't argue it, either.

She sits like that in silence for a while. Trying to sort through her thoughts. The Force feels turbulent around her, but it doesn't seem to be coming from her. For a while it seems like maybe she isn't going to say anything more. But then, finally, as if out of nowhere-- ]

Do you remember... Mortis?

[ That planet that, by some unspoken agreement, none of them have ever spoken about. They never spoke about it so hard, that for the longest time, Ahsoka was convinced she had dreamed it. ]

[sandhate]

[ he turns to her slowly, eyes narrowing slightly ]

There wasn't a lot I remembered about it. And what I did remembered felt like a dream.

What does Mortis have to do with anything?

[resnipstance]

I thought it was a dream. For the longest time. But we both remember it, so it can't be.

[ She takes a breath in and then out again, exhaling slowly. ]

I had a vision, while I was there. Not like the usual confusing ones. This was like-- the Force itself was speaking to me, in plain Basic. But as soon as we left... I forgot about it. Until today.

[sandhate]

[ he's tempted to recite what obi-wan had told them both, that it was an illusion. but obi-wan's not here. it's just them right now. cautiously: ]

What did you remember?

[resnipstance]

[ "You may never see your future if you remain his student!" The words ring in her head. She opens her mouth to say them... and then closes it again.

She can't say that to Anakin. It would break his heart. She has to word it another way. ]

A... vision of myself, in the far-off future. She was trying to warn me-- that if I stayed with the Jedi, I would die before getting to be her.

[ It wasn't the exact wording. But she hopes, close enough, and that she isn't misinterpreting. ]

And now, when I was about to tell you I was going to leave... I had a vision of surviving, but everyone else dying. You don't think it's connected?

im sorry this is so late

[sandhate]

[ he frowns at her words. ]

You're saying that the Jedi-- that we'll die either way. All of us.