"let's break everything differently" au

[resnipstance]

[ They all stand in the Council room after the trial, the evening sunset light of Coruscant pouring in to the tall chamber. Anakin and Plo-Koon give their apologies, and for just one single moment, Ahsoka thinks that maybe everything will be okay again. Not like it was-- it can never go back to the way it was. The knowledge that some of the people Ahsoka called family were willing to cast her aside without due process will stay with her forever. Such things can never be forgotten. But perhaps there is something there to be salvaged.

But then Master Windu and Master Yoda make their excuses, and Ahsoka feels her stomach drop out of the room entirely. It will always be like this, she realises. The Order is ... not what she thought it was. Suddenly, she knows it as clear as day: if she stays here, her soul will slowly rot from the inside. Like Barriss.

"They're asking you back, Ahsoka," Anakin's voice cuts through her thoughts, as he extends his hand to her holding her padawan braid. "I'm... asking you back."

She looks up at him then, certain that she knows what she has to do, but unwilling to say it. She reaches out to take Anakin's hand in her own, hoping to soften the blow of what she's about to say. But the second she touches it, something else happens.

Death. Terror. Destruction. The whole galaxy, crying out in pain in a single instance, and then just as suddenly-- nothing. The Force, drenched in silence and darkness. Obi-Wan, looking old and alone in the desert, full of sorrow. Glimpses of war-- more war. Never ending war. Anakin's voice from somewhere far off, full of rage, screaming "I hate you!"

None of it makes any sense.

And thne just as abruptly, a different vision. No-- she's seen this one before, but she'd forgotten about it. Herself, standing over a campfire. "Beware!" she warns. "You may never see your future if you remain his student!"

Ahsoka abruptly lets go of Anakin's hand in the Council room and the visions stop. She takes a step back in alarm. ]

I-- I'm sorry, Masters--

[ She speaks to the whole room, heart pounding with adrenaline, eyes on the floor but darting from side to side while she tries to catch her breath. She closes her eyes for a second and breathes in slowly and then out again, calming herself. Finding her center, she opens her eyes again and straightens. ]

It's... been a long day. Your offer is very generous, but I'm not sure I'm in the right state of mind to be making big decisions about my future right now. With your permission, I'd like to request a couple of days to meditate on it.

[ The room is filled with stunned silence, before Master Yoda taps his gimmer stick on the floor decisively and nods. "Certain, you must be. Wise to take your time in such matters, it is."

Ahsoka swallows hard and makes a hasty bow. "Thank you," passes from her lips, before she turns tail and exits from the Council chamber with as much speed as she can muster, not waiting for a dismissal. ]

Comments

[beardstrokes]

[ firmly. ]

It is what it is, Ahsoka. We are servants of the Force. Not the other way around.

[ letting out a quiet breath. ]

It may be a choice the Force has left with you. And no one else.

[resnipstance]

What I saw, I-- don't want it to come to pass. But I don't know what it is exactly, or how it happens. Just that-- it was awful. It felt like... [ she takes a deep breath then, like this is hard for her ] ... like every light in the galaxy went out.

Every... Jedi. I was alone. I couldn't feel... anyone. [ She knows how that sounds, so she rushes on. ] But that's just a metaphor, right? There's no way that could actually happen.

[beardstrokes]

[ a lengthier pause. obi-wan wishes to say no, but they've seen a lot lately. the war. mortis. the sudden rise of darth maul and savage opress. their quick disappearance. there were pieces at sea, flotsam and jetsam, that clouded the view. ]

It seems very unlikely but the Force told you that for a reason. I would not discount it so easily.

[resnipstance]

Then... help me stop it?

I know, I know-- before you say it. "One often meets their destiny on the road to avoid it." But I can't just... do nothing.

[ She hears the warning from Mortis in her head loud and clear-- that this may not be something she can stop. That it may happen anyway, and that trying to stop it may only result in her early death. But she doesn't want to mention that to Obi-Wan. So long as there's a "may" in that sentence, then there's still a chance. A slim one. But she'll take it.

After all. What comfort is the assurance of her own survival, when all her friends are dead? ]

[beardstrokes]

Ahsoka, I'm not even sure where to start.

[ if there is a manipulator, they do not know who it might be. and the longer the wars drags on, the less of a hold the jedi have in the light. yet, what could they do? they swore an oath to the republic. to democracy. to cast off oaths now would serve no purpose.

he leans forward. ]

You have my aid, of course. But I'm afraid I don't know where to direct it.

[resnipstance]

And you think I do?

[ She just looks at him helplessly and little comically, like, do you think I've been meditating for DAYS on end because I LIKED it? ]

There has to be a reason for that vision. Somewhere to start.

Let me ask you something else I've been thinking about. What do you think about-- about what Barriss said? At my trial.

[beardstrokes]

[ and the hard-hitting questions never end. obi-wan leans back once more. ]

There is always a danger in embroiling ourselves in war. That we may lose ourselves, lose our way. But I don't think killing innocent people is the way to send a message, no matter how well-intentioned.

[resnipstance]

What? No-- of course not. What she did was wrong. Without question.

[ Horrible, even. That the Council ever even thought Ahsoka remotely capable of such a thing is-- well, that hurts.

But then again, she would never have thought Barriss capable of it either. ]

But what she said... I'd-- never thought of it that way before. Believe me, the last thing I want to do is to give Barriss any sort of concession. But... doesn't how the Council reacted to this kind of... prove her point? I know you didn't agree with their actions.

[ He couldn't have. He's Obi-Wan. There's no way. Not the Obi-Wan she knows. ]

[beardstrokes]

[ it is a temptation in itself to absolve all blame. but obi-wan sits on the council. to disavow himself but not the others — it is an easy cruelty obi-wan has never been capable of. ]

I disagreed with them and asked that they stand by you. And honestly . . . I don't think anyone on the Council truly agreed.

[ a soft exhale. ]

But the Council did react with suspicion. And there's no denying that either.

[resnipstance]

But that's just it. Doesn't it seem like recently there have been a lot of ... exceptions? Just like this? "Well, we'd never normally do this, but right now there are extenuating circumstances."

How many extenuating circumstances do there have to be before it's a pattern?

[beardstrokes]

[ obi-wan shakes his head. ]

I'm afraid we don't know. It is a war we cannot step away from. A war that does not only involve the Separatists, but the Dark as well.

[resnipstance]

I can't believe I'm about to say this, but...

Shouldn't we be advocating for peace more strenuously? Instead of fighting? ... I know we've spent all this time fighting them, but... why exactly are we trying to force the Separatists to be part of a system they don't want to be in, anyway? What's the worst that could happen if we just. You know. Let them separate? The Republic isn't some kind of... empire.

[ She gets a weird feeling in the Force when she says that. But it passes as soon as it comes, and she doesn't think anything more of it. ]

[beardstrokes]

I am not against it and I don't think the Jedi are either.

[ he sighs once more. ]

But it is the will of the Republic. And we still have Dooku, along with his master to contend with. We cannot suffer the Sith to exist.

[resnipstance]

... When you say it like that, doesn't it sound kind of like we're the Republic's tool?

[beardstrokes]

[ there's a wry twist to his expression. it's something anakin would say. ]

It would, but we are servants of the Republic. If we took control or did whatever we choose, then we're no better.

[resnipstance]

[ It's telling, perhaps, that these are questions Ahsoka is only asking now. That she's never asked before. She always just... accepted it. ]

... Why? Not the second one, I mean-- why are we servants of the Republic? Shouldn't we be servants of the Force? Of the whole galaxy? Shouldn't we be helping all sentients, regardless of their political affiliation?

When I think back on it... every time we've been told we "just can't" do the right thing in a situation, or that we "have" to do this other thing we don't agree with and wouldn't normally do-- isn't it usually because of the Republic? Because of politics?

[beardstrokes]

Being servants of the Force doesn't make us infallible. We cannot take the laws, the laws of people into our own hands. We cannot play enforcers or simply go about doing whatever we want, no matter how right we are.

But the line between right and power is thin. Can you say you always know what the right thing is? Or that we perform it with complete accuracy?

[ obi-wan lets out a breath. ]

Republic isn't perfect. But neither are we. Serving the Force does not make us better.

[resnipstance]

[ She shakes her head. ]

I'm not saying we're better, or that we should be lawless! I just think-- I don't know. It just seems like... the Republic has a lot of influence over our decisions these days. That's all.

[beardstrokes]

And I'm not disagreeing.

But there isn't much of an alternative now.

[resnipstance]

[ Ahsoka frowns at that, but doesn't say anything-- it seems she's digesting it, thinking. Finally-- ]

... Something's wrong. Can't you feel it when you say that? I tried to meditate on it, but I never got an answer. It feels like-- any way we turn, something bad is going to happen. Like we're ... rats caught in a trap.

[beardstrokes]

[ he nods. ]

Yes, I have felt it. Someone is manipulating things.

[resnipstance]

Wait-- you know already?

[beardstrokes]

Dooku mentioned it when I was imprisoned. We've known for some time now.

[resnipstance]

[ With no small amount of incredulity: ]

What? But that was years ago!

[beardstrokes]

[ obi-wan gives her a Look. ]

What do we do with traps, Ahsoka?